Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Finding Star and Valentines Day

I am still busily working on Finding Star, just getting ready to break 52k and I must say I am pleased with the progress of this story.  I know that Star is going to be one of the Characters who stick with me long and hard.
We have been going back to Harvest for the Past couple of weeks, great sermons so far, and I am grateful for that, was at Hope Center tonight though for a Valentines Day Lunch, a couple of kiddos, I.E Gracie and Ryder were more than happy to see me LOL!!! 

I'm working on What A Daughter Learns to, the first book in the Ana Alexei or Children of Alexei Children.  About twelve thousand words into that one, so can't say where that is going to go, but I am more focused on Finding Star right now:

Here's a sneak peek of Finding Star:  The Beginning of the Fifth Chapter

Five years ago I gave my heart to the Lord, five years ago in ways it seemed like a
lifetime ago. I had come along way, by the Grace of God. I knew it was God’s grace I had made
it this far, that I had overcome all the abuse, the scars would always be there, but in ways I
understood that I was strong for having survived them.
My life was so different now, in a strange way losing my leg had brought me to the Lord,
but it had been more than that, so much more.
Hope’s prayers had a lot to do with it, and the life my parents led, not the monsters who
had abused me in unthinkable ways in that remote village in Iraq, but my parents, the one’s who
had took in a broken terrified girl, and loved her, despite her doing everything to push them
            I had been such a scared child, so scarred, I felt so unlovable, so dirty.
            I had been afraid to even say hello to my new Father at first, afraid every man was like
the monster who had abused me when I was a little girl, the man who had made me Father his
child, and then gave it away like it was some unwanted puppy.
            I still had trouble with that, I was only eighteen and somewhere out there I had a nine
year old daughter.
The thought was sickening.
            I forgave the monsters though, because I had to, because if I held onto that bitterness, it
would eat me alive.
            I knew the Lord had held them accountable for their sins, the day they had been
            He had started my road to redemption that same day.
But it was a long process, and I was a stubborn child.
In some ways the stubborn streak served me well, in other ways it only acted as a crutch.
At times I felt like a myriad of contradictions, but that had been before I gave my heart to
            I have my moments when I still struggle with the trauma of my past, when the nightmares
of the hell I endured as a child still haunt me.
The people who were supposed to love me, did everything, but I was treated worse than
the pigs my Father raised. I was no matter to him, except a toy to be used and abused. He’s gone
now, they are all dead and I have a wonderful family was given a second chance. And I found
Christ, so things have improved, that does not mean I forget what happened to me, the fear that I
faced as a child. The fear that ultimately made me afraid to speak of the infection that set in my
leg when I was settled with my new family in America, therefore I ended up losing that leg, but I
found something much more important I found Christ, and I found myself.
I am no longer a scared little girl I am now a young woman of nineteen, whose moved on
with her life with the love and support of my sister and my parents. My true parents, not the ones
who gave birth to me, but the ones who nourish me and helped me see that there was more to life
than abuse. A child does not deserve the kind of treatment I had, I understand that now, because
Mom, Dad and Hope have helped me to see that.
Most importantly God has shown me what true love is, and that is not something my birth
family had. They could not really be called a family though, because a family does not hurt a
child the way I was hurt. It’s not something that any child deserves.
I still wonder too about the child I gave birth to, when I was but a child of nine and a half
years myself she’d be about nine now. I hope and pray she never endured the things I endured as
a child. That someone out there is loving my daughter the way she deserves to be loved.
I am praying too that people stop using Allah as an excuse to do evil. I no longer worship
Allah, I suppose I never really did, I gave my heart to Christ though, but no religion should
condone such violence to a child. Not even a dog deserves the treatment I got.
Yet sadly some have it even worse than I did. I understand that now, but I did not as a
child. How could I? I was afraid to even think for myself.
I am so glad I am no longer a scared, abused little girl in a remote Afghani village, but I
am an American young woman studying journalism and creativity writing at college.
Something I would not have been afforded had Jesus not led me to America, and to my
Mom and Dad. I know that now.
I am no longer so terrified of men. I suppose there will always be some sort of fear their
but it no longer paralyzes me as it once did. I still question whether or not I will marry and have
a family of my own, because the scars of abuse run deep, and I would not want to see a child

I know Valentines day has come to an end, but I would like to wish you a blessed one, and ask for prayers for my niece who lost her Grandma yesterday, her Grandma Kathy!!!!

God Bless

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